A LIVING ROOM WELL-FURNISHED IN A SOMEWHAT OLD
FASHIONED STYLE: A CLAW-FOOTED COUCH, EASY CHAIRS AND
HASSOCKS, A COFFEE TABLE. THE ONLY MODERN TOUCH IS A PC
SET ON A SEMI-CIRCULAR WALL TABLE. THERE IS A WALL SWITCH
RIGHT BEHIND IT.
AZALEE, A GREY-HAIRED WOMAN IN A DARK DRESS WITH A
FLOWERED PRINT, IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER. SHE
ADDRESSES AN INVISIBLE INTERVIEWER BEHIND THE CAMERA.
Oh, I don't now if you'd call it a chat group, really. Aren't those with
a bunch of people? This is just Howard and myself. That's right, just
the two of us. And I don't really `log-in', as you say. Or rather, I'm
always logged in. My little friend here beeps whenever there's a message.
Well, there you are! Just like that. Whenever Howard sends me a message.
Let's see what this one's about.
Now, why does he do that? He knows it's too early for his next beer.
Really! Just because he can't see me, he thinks I'm a soft touch! Well,
he's got a lot to learn, now hasn't he? There now, what was I saying? Oh
yes. When there's a message, Pozzo here - that's what I call my little
friend, Pozzo - Pozzo gives his little toot and if I'm not too busy, you
understand, I come right over. I do like that part, you know, that I can
decide if I feel like it, and not have the old fool pestering me over and
over again. When he was up here, that's how it was, over and over again:
`Azalee, bring me a beer!', `Azalee, where's my paper?',`Azalee, could you
bring me my teeth?' And try to ignore him, too, you just try!
Oh, my heavens, what is it now?
Oh yes. The ventilation. Dear me, I forgot all about that. It was only
supposed to be off for a minute or so.
FLICKS ON THE WALL SWITCH
My, it must have been getting a little stuffy down there. Yes indeed!
BEEP - SHE READS
Well, of course, you ninny! The air won't just start rushing in all at
once!You have to give it a few minutes!You can see for yourself, can't
you, how demanding he is? But maybe you're thinking, `Well, at least he's
a lively one. Must be good fun to have around.' Not a bit of it. Why,
Pozzo here's better company, most of the time.
What! Again? My, but he's frisky today! It's almost as if he knows you're
Well, no, Howard, you can NOT have a beer yet. No is no, and that is
that. You know, I am SO glad I don't have to listen to that voice of his.
That's what's so wonderful about Pozzo. I thought at first we'd have to
have an intercom. Now that would have been excrutiating. Anyway, he
doesn't know you're here, of course. Hasn't the foggiest idea what goes
on anywhere else. Unless it's on a football field. Not that that's such a
change. He wasn't the fastest dog running, even when he was sitting here,
right in that chair.Now there are women who get very upset, who've been
known to put a little something in the pot roast, if you know what I mean.
Or get out that hunting gear hubby's kept so well-oiled all the while he
was ignoring her needs. But personally, I just don't think violence is
the answer. Though I don't imagine there's a gal of any age who didn't
applaud that young Bobbit woman just the teensiest bit. Poor thing.
BEEP - SHE READS
Oh, for goodness sake. Another B. M. This from a man who was constipated
a month running, more often than not. - Put the bucket on the hook, you
big baby. I'll bring it up when I'm ready.
Anyway, I just had the basement modified a little - Howard never noticed,
he always said fixing up the house was my department - and then when
everything was ready, well, it did take some doing getting him down there,
I'll admit, but when he came to and there it all was, the TV and his
crossword, and his first few rations of beer, oh, I imagine he got used to
it pretty quickly. At least he hasn't been complaining all that much. Not
since the first week.
BEEP - SHE READS
Oh, for goodness sake. Well, I suppose I'd better go and get him one of
his silly beers. I know, I shouldn't indulge him like this. But really,
you young people could learn a thing or two from the likes of us. It's
these little attentions that make a mariage last!