You. Are. A. Pig.

Not a cute cuddly pig, all pink and shiny from its little curly tail to its round little snout. Oh no. One of those big, hairy, waddling, snuffling pigs, with mud all over it and big ugly teeth, and little beady bloodshot eyes, and sixty kinds of stink coming off it. One of those pigs that looks like a wild boar gone wrong. A mistake on the way to pig. A pigus interruptus. The kind of pig that makes mud nervous. A pig that gives other pigs a bad name. A pig that should be extinct. A pigosaurus. A really rare specimen of truly unintelligent design.

Other than that, no, I'm not mad. Why do you ask?